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Friday, August 26, 2011

Air Swimmers -- a nice distraction from homework




We had a giant helium balloon flying saucer like this years ago, but it randomly traveled the house. Tended to hang out over the bed and scared the crap out of me a couple of times.

We loved it.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Important Survey -- Must do -- IMMEDIATELY!


At Carnivàle Lune Bleue, Kars, August 2008
Fed up with all those humdrum and repetitive personal surveys my inbox has to offer I have decided to invent one.  I'm curious to see how long it takes to be forwarded around the globe.

Some questions require a yes or no answer, some are multiple choice, and some may require added memory to your hard drive.   

Your decision on which style of answer may affect your points accumulated.


Point values are based on a logarithm even I don’t understand – that’s how IMPORTANT and ACCURATE this test is.  Oh, did I not mention this was a TEST?

Add up the points at the end and take your printout to Wally-Mart.  They have promised a free Bloo-ray disc of your choice to the first 1500 subjects with a provable score of 123.


1. What in heaven's name could persuade you to learn another language?  10 points

2. You are a superhero with a brand new power -- what is it, and how did you get it? 

3. If you could be your pet, what would you say when called?  10 points

4. You have written a best-selling novel and are on Larry King.  Why are 8 million people tuning in?  10 points

5. A plague has wiped out 99 percent of the world's population.  Would you pick a new hobby?  And what is it?  10 points
6. Your hair grew 2 feet overnight.  What will you tell everyone to explain this phenomenon?  10 points

7. The World Wide Web has crashed and the internet is no more.  How will this effect what you have for breakfast?  Be specific.  10 points

8. You fear that your arms may leave your body when you are not looking.  How do you get any sleep?  10 points

9. Your family suddenly understands everything you have been trying for years to explain.  Is it the end of the world?  10 points

10. Balloons are your only friends.  Explain in 10 words or less.

11. A waif-like person with 16 piercings and a startling tattoo shows up at your door brandishing a clipboard.  If they tell you that bananas are endangered and may be extinct before the end of this century without your personal intervention, what will be your response?  10 points

12. Two trains are headed toward each other at 60 miles an hour.  What is the chance that you would be on one of them?  10 points

13.  A man walks into a bar and sees his girlfriend hanging off a guy who looks suspiciously like Brandon Routh.  When she tells you she was auditioning for his new Lois Lane do you believe her?  10 points

14. You are female.  You know this.  The dangly bits are just a distraction and mess up your skinny jeans.  Do you opt for surgery or tunic tops?  10 points

15.  Scrambled eggs or oatmeal with bacon bits? Real bacon bits, not the fake ones they sell in the spice aisle.  10 points

Randomly choose a number from one to ten; now randomly choose a street near where you live.  Multiply the number of letters in the street name by your secret number, write it on a small piece of paper and eat it. 
Tell no one.  10 points

17.  Pretend you can fly.
That’s it.  10 points

18.  You haven’t eaten for 3 months.  Are you dead?  Explain.  10 points

19.  Right now, what are you sitting on?  Is it moving?  Why not?  10 points

20.  Imagine you are trapped in a large building for thirty years with 1000 humans who never age.  They yell obscenities at you and then hug you when you least expect it.
Are you in hell or are you a high school teacher?  10 points

21. Cream sauce or hot melt glue?  10 points

22. You are a librarian.  10 points

23.  All household appliances have a soul.  This has been proven by molecular diffusion technology.  Does this change your concept of the afterlife now that you may have to ask your microwave permission to heat up your coffee?

My Ottawa, Canada's Capital

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